Realisations
by klcm
Summary: A night out as a team draws out emotions, which makes one member realise what he wants... has it lost his chance?..............a bit tiny bit of swearing....


Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.

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She sat whirling the drink in her hand. Why the hell had she agreed to drinks yet again? She did it every time, she came, they dispersed. Sure the night began good, just like it always did but now she sat on the corner table looking out at the bar. She swallowed the rest of her drink and ordered another, her 3rd soon to be 4th in row. She watched them all dance as they had paired off. Hotch and Emily getting their thing on like they did every week that they went out. JJ and Reid doing the same, she had to admit they were a cute couple but looking at them now she was really bored and despondent. Rossi had left early and then that left Morgan, who had been hunted down from the moment he walked through the door by one woman, he was now getting it on with her. Looking like she was truly bored. She downed the new drink and stood taking her bag she walked to the door, she needed air before going back in and babysitting bags and coats.

She stood to the side of all windows that made her visible to those inside and just stood with her back against the wall arms crossed. She decided she needed to start declining these weekly events; yeah they were fun but that all ended once a couple of drinks had been drank. She saw them all relax while up dancing and having fun, however, for her she felt more tense. There she was the 'curvaceous' over exuberant geek, all alone at a table. How pathetic must that look? She thought over and over again.

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'Shall we get another drink?' Emily asked Hotch, dancing really was tiring business.

'Okay.' He said following her back to the table. When they got there they were shocked to see it empty, no Garcia in sight. 'Where you think she's gone? Her bag and coat is gone.'

'She might have popped to the loo. Shall I text her?'

'Hey where's Pen? I want a dance off her.' Morgan asked as he rejoined the group.

'We don't know.' Emily said, slightly worried about the disappearance. 'Well it looks like she's had a few so she might have gone home.' Emily added picking up one of the 4 empty glasses.

'Em text her please.' Emily just nodded at Hotch and took her phone out. A couple of minutes later she closed it and placed it on the table.

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She felt her phone go off; she took it out and read the screen

_New Message:_

_Emily_

She clicked open and read.

**Hey Pen, where you gone to? Em x**

She smiled slightly but the text didn't make her want to go back in.

**Hey Em, no need to worry. Thinking of going home. Pen x**

She clicked send and wonder whether walking home would help her.

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The phone lit up and danced across the table top slightly, Emily snatched it up and read. She looked up at them.

'She says she fine, and is thinking of going home.'

'Thinking that means she's around.'

'Outside.' Morgan said. 'I'll be right back.' He left grabbing his coat and putting it on. He opened the door and looked right, nothing he looked left and there she was against a wall, looking deep within thought.

'Hey baby girl. Everything okay?'

'Everything's fine Derek.'

That spiked his attention, the use of his first name or last from her was alien, it spelt out that something was wrong. 'No it's not P. If everything was fine why are there more empty glasses on the table and my goddess standing outside alone?'

'Well you know over an hour of loneliness does that to you.'

_Shit._ Had that long passed since they all had left the table and she had smiled encouragingly. But now he was kicking himself. 'Baby girl, I'm sorry we left you.'

'No you aren't, you had a girl draping herself willingly in front of her. Emily had Hotch, JJ had Reid. It's understandable that everyone had someone; it's the same every week, so it's understandable. I get it.'

'Come back in and dance P. Come and dance with me.' Just as he finished the floozy that had been 'draping' herself all over Derek came out.

'Hey sexy I'm waiting for my next dance.'

'Go Derek. Why dance with me, when you can have... that' She pushed herself off the wall and walked away.

'Pen, you can't walk home! Come back!' She didn't answer just carried on walking. Her posture despondent and almost hurt.

'Pen? You didn't tell me you were here with someone else.' She said passing a hand around his back. 'How about that dance?'

'Sorry I have to go.'

'Is it about her? What do you see in her? I mean she's not even pretty.'

'Well obviously nor are you.' Derek spat out, he took her hand away and walked into the bar and back to the team. 'I'm off, she's just gone home.'

'Is everything okay?'

'No it's not. I'll tell you tomorrow.' He got nods and just left.

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'Pen I know you're in there just open up.' He had been banging on the door consecutively for almost 10 minutes, he didn't want to instantly use his key for her apartment but now he had decided it was a good idea. When the cab had pulled up he had seen the lights on. Opening the door, he heard the shower, he pushed the door closed and locked it. He then walked into bathroom, hearing the shower on but saw no figure standing. The curtain was closed and he heard a muffled noise.

'Pen. Are you okay?'

'Fuck off Derek. Please just fucking leave me alone.'

'Pen, I'm not going anywhere.'

'Well I'm fine. Alone suits me, it always does.'

'Baby girl come on out and talk to me.'

'No.'

'C'mon I want to make this all right.'

'What me up and leaving you in the street finally make you see that not all women will just listen to you?'

'Baby girl that's not fair.'

'Well nor is life.'

'Pen what's happened beside us deserting you?'

'Nothing, nothing at all.' He saw an arm reached up and turn the shower off. 'Just please Derek leave me.'

'No.'

'No? Why not?'

'Because my best friend is in her shower crying. That's the sign that things need to be sorted out.'

She stood and he watched her hand reach out and grab a towel, a couple of minutes later she stepped out. Her eyes so sad and red, he felt a twinge in his chest, she look absolutely beautiful, tears or no tears. He found himself wanting her, needing her more than usual.

'Okay, Derek you want to know what's wrong with me. I tell you what's wrong. Every week we go out as a group, every week we split as a group. Hotch and Emily, Reid and JJ, Rossi and his wife and you and some new miss thang and me and empty seats. See the problem there?'

'Pen I am so sorry.'

'Don't okay. I don't look like JJ or Emily, they can get anyone but you see me, I pull a seemingly nice hot guy and it ends up that he wants me dead, Kevin ended up cheating me and no man in a bar even gives me a second glance. JJ and Emily, as much as I love them annoy me when blokes just talk to them, same with you. Everyone always has someone, and yet again I'm kicked aside and forgotten. There that's what' wrong with me, satisfied?' She barged passed him and into her bedroom.

'Oh baby girl.' He said running his hands over her head.

'Usually I can deal with but tonight made me realise that all those years of my brothers telling me no one would be interested in me were absolutely right.' She wiped her eyes angrily. 'I almost got myself killed because I was trying to prove to you that a guy could be interested in me and well it's obvious that it ain't ever going to happen. I get told how I 'm needed in the team, and in each of your lives but what about my need for you in mine?' She walked past him with clothes and slammed and locked the bathroom door. She cried throughout getting changed.

Derek stood staring at the door, seeing Penelope like this was tearing him apart inside. He had been toying with the idea that he may be in love with her for the last month or so and now the realisation of the night made it all obvious. He sat on the bed and waited for to come out. When she did she just stared at him, like she knew he wanted another long reason why she felt like absolute crap.

'Life's a bitch Derek, I live mine grudgingly. I just don't get why everyone thinks it doesn't hurt.'

He stood and walked to her; he placed his hand under her chin and lifted her head so her sad eyes stared at him. 'Pen, I am so sorry for everything. Don't tell me I'm not but tonight was a wakeup call. I never plan to leave you alone again. Seeing you like this is breaking my heart.' She shrugged but he didn't stop. 'You're brothers were wrong, you deserve love and you will find it. I think I found mine years ago. In a woman who was always serious when I needed someone to talk to and comforting when all I wanted was the feel of a human's touch to make me feel alive. To hear her voice, to yearn to see her smile. I just never did anything about it to make her think I love her and now I think I did my final strike with her tonight.'

'Me?' She laughed. 'You've gotta be kidding. Me? Yeah right.' She walked to the bed and cried as she slid off it and onto the floor. 'No man that looks like you would go with a woman that looks like me.'

'Who says?'

'Most of the general public.'

'I don't care. I realised I hurt you badly tonight. I was a dick, an arse, a fool, all rolled together and I regret everything I've done for making you think I could never love you.'

'You're doing this out of guilt why else would you be here, making amends? Well you don't have to do it okay? You're forgiven.'

He sat next to her. 'Look at me.' He looked in her eyes and she just stared at him, she saw no lies in his eyes. 'I would never lie to you Pen to make you feel better. That's just wrong and I would never do that to you. I just want to make it up to you, make you realise that I love you. I will make you see.' He pulled her in tight as she cried. 'See your brothers were wrong and I will prove it.' He kissed her head while rocking her gently, trying to soothe her. 'How about we get you to bed? Clooney's fine at home, so I'll sleep on the couch.' He stood and pulled her up, he then drew her into him and hugged her and before pulling away fully, he kissed her long and hard.

'I know you would never lie to me handsome.' She placed a hand on his chest. 'I don't think you've lost your chance.'

'I'm still going to work for it. You will see Penelope Garcia.' He smiled whilst lying on the bed with her until she was asleep. He then got up and took a blanket and pillow and lay on the couch. His last thoughts of the night were: Why had I waited so long? They both slept with a smile on their faces that night.


End file.
